To the 3rd and 4th one: Sorry but it's hard

This silence is killing you.
But it is my companion.
It's the one thing that's numbing the pain that I endure everyday.

To say
To look
To smile
Only tightens the grip rejection has on this rose crux under my chest.

Like a needle through the lip, or tongue, or ear.
This piercing, only a thousand times magnified,
deep in my core,
a scar intense,
only the profound crimson of blood overwhelms it.

I try to let go,
only to tighter clenches of heartbreak.
As pressure violently escalates,
other scars open up,
multiplying the pain,
exaggerating its torment.

I try and try
but it makes me want to cry
because when your nearby
I just want to die.